Crazy Week (last week)

**Note: I had most of this typed and saved it to finish then never did! So, I finished it tonight and here it is.**

This past week has been a crazy one to say the least.  Monday was sort of normal, as far as I can remember.  Oh, except that Ephraim has screamed through most of the night holding his ears so Eric took him to the doctor who said he was just teething.

Tuesday morning I woke up to find half a pot of coffee brewing onto the kitchen floor!  What a way to start the day.  We also had another OB appointment that day, in which I was nervous about.  I was excited to get to hear my baby's heartbeat, but nervous that they may not find it and something would be wrong.   At the appointment the nurse said that it was too early to hear the baby's heartbeat but that maybe Daisy (the midwife we were seeing that day) would still try and that we should ask her.  Um, of course she will try, I'm into my second trimester, lady!

As soon as Daisy came in the room I knew I wouldn't have to ask as she had the doppler with her!  She said it could take a few minutes to find (which I knew) but actually found it fairly quickly, considering.  My heart melted, of course.  It is always a beautiful thing to hear your baby's heartbeat.  Eric was holding Ephraim and I looked at the two of them.  Eric had a gleam in his eye, and Ephraim had a  "what the heck is that noise" look on his face! 

Wednesday I felt crappy and Ephraim hardly slept, again.   I was coming down with something, as was Eric, but wasn't sure what or how bad.  So, Wednesday night we went to the store to get Sudafed, as the doctor said that is the only cold medicine I am allowed to have during pregnancy.  We couldn't find it anywhere so we asked at the pharmacy.  The assistant asked who it was for, and I said myself.  She said it is behind the counter now (I wouldn't know this as I never used it before).  OK, well I asked how much it would cost and she said $4 something.  Sweet.  Cheaper than I expected and my throat and nose were killing me so we decided to get it.  She then asked for ID.  Um, I don't carry mine on me most of the time.  It was in the van, and I could go get it, but didn't want too, so Eric pulled out his ID to pay for it.  She said he couldn't buy it for someone else, so she asked the pharmacist for permission-- which she got.   Since when does it matter?  Eric can pick up any prescription for me, even scheduled narcotics, but can't buy Sudafed for me?!  WTH is this world coming to?  Anyway, I made a comment about how stupid the policy is since he's my own husband and it would be going to OUR home.  Then, she asked Eric how old he was-- when he said 21 she gave him the dirtiest look.  I could tell she didn't believe him.  Um, again, WTH?  He is showing you his ID, lady!  Finally we bought it and left thinking our week of crazy may be turning better.

Hahaha-- nope!  Thursday morning I went to work, punched in, and got out a pile of papers to organize and make my plans for the next week.  No sooner was my table covered in stuff did the phone ring.  It just so happens that I was the one to go answer it.  I saw Eric's cell number so I picked up the phone and said hi.  On the other end I hear Eric near tears telling me I need to come home.  I asked him why and he said something about falling with Ephraim and that Ephraim was bleeding.  I quickly hung up and flew out of the school.  (Apologies to anyone who saw me and thought I must have been looney.  But my adrenaline was rushing and my worst fears flying through my mind!)  As soon as I got home, I could see that Eric was beyond hurt-- he was pretty much a wreck.  I held Ephraim and asked if Eric was OK and what happened.

Eric explained that he was carrying Ephraim and tripped on a toy, making both of them hit the floor.  Ephraim's face hit the hardwood floor, and of course he screamed.  Eric picked him right up to comfort him and soon found blood coming from his nose (both nostrils) and mouth.  He was worried about his teeth but couldn't see them.  His gums had swollen up too fast.  So, we got a flashlight and looked around Ephraim's mouth.  All his teeth were in place, but barely seen from behind swollen gums.  I told Eric that even if he lost a tooth, it is better to lose a baby one!  We then called the doctor to have him seen.


The doctor said he looked good, but to keep an eye on him for signs of a serious head injury just in case.  Vomiting a lot would be a sign.  Sure enough, Ephraim vomited throughout the day, so we ended up in the ED that evening.  I've never seen them get us in and out so fast.  It took about an hour from getting there to being discharged.  They said he looked good and to keep watch.

So, along comes Friday.  I tend to have a love-hate relationship with Fridays, and this particular one had me in a cranky mood. I made the most of my day even though I felt like screaming at everyone and everything and just laying in bed all day.  After work I took Eric to work, came home and tried to relax, then went back to get Eric.  We decided to stop at Hannaford on the way home to pick up a few items and what do you know, our evening just got more interesting-- to say the least.  Eric grabbed some items and went to check out while I was off grabbing some other things.  We decided it would be faster that way and that we would just meet back at the car.  Well, I happened to be a few people behind Eric in line and right after he left the store the cashier started in about how Eric was stupid and so on.  I was pretty irritated at this, but decided it was better to hold my tongue, especially with how irritable I was in general that day.  But, when a man behind me started calling Eric mentally challenge, and saying the cashier shouldn't sell things to a mentally challenged person, I flipped.  There was no way I was allowing someone to call my husband names and think they were getting away with it!  The man proceeded to accuse Eric of probably being a drunk who does nothing.  The cashier laughed and agreed.  I looked at both of them and very angrily told them that unless they knew what they were talking about they should shut their mouths.  I explained that Eric was my husband, who just got done work, takes care of his family, and is probably a better man than either of them could ever even dream of being.  They laughed and said something else, where I responded with some choice words and said they were darn lucky I was pregnant otherwise I'd be using more than words one them.

So, Saturday we went to Hannaford and spoke with a manager.  She apologized a few times, said the cashier was going to be getting spoken too quite harshly, and then generously gave us a $25 gift card!!  What a great ending to Friday's craziness.  But Saturday night wasn't much better.  I was super sick, and ended up driving myself to the ER because my chest was super tight and I was having trouble breathing.  My cough wasn't helping, either.

So, that was our week. 

Emotions

All I am going to say is that I am a pretty emotional person, and this pregnancy isn't helping!  I hate it-- I don't even want to be upset, or angry, or frustrated, yet it comes out full force.

And I suck at this blogging thing!

That's it for now.

Spilled Milk-- or coffee rather.

You know it is going to be one of "those days" when you wake up to find the half of the coffee in the pot and the other half being brewed onto the floor.  Then, Bretton couldn't find his bag of mini pepperoni which he uses to make wraps for his school lunch.   Then, as if having nothing to wear to work as it is isn't enough, none of what I do wear actually fits me anymore!  I am currently wearing a skirt that zips in the front, with no way to zip it.  So, I have a bella band on, but that isn't the most comfortable thing either.  Hopefully it at least holds the skirt up all day and doesn't look too weird.

If this is any indication as to not only the day ahead, but our OB appointment this afternoon, I'd rather go back to bed right now.

Ephraim: Part 1

After a devastating loss on September 12th, 2009 (first trimester miscarriage), my OB said it was OK to try to conceive again after one cycle.  Eric and I discussed the pros and cons of conceiving so soon.  For me, the cons seemed to outweigh the pros, even if just a tiny bit.  (Not getting into our lists as they are very personal and too long.)  Eric on the other hand thought the pros far outweighed the cons.  Honestly, I think he was just so devastated at the loss of Arden (we named the baby Eric's top name choice), that he wanted to help fill that hole in his heart.  In the end, we decided to actively try and see what God had in store for us.

On November 17th, I took a pregnancy test and got a faint line.  So faint I wasn't sure if I was seeing it or not.  I took another the next day, but this time it was a digital.  It showed up positive within about 30 seconds-- no denying it with the word "Pregnant" right in front of us!  I couldn't decide how to feel.  A flood of emotions flowed through me.  I was excited, but scared.  Sad for the loss of Arden-- I wasn't trying to replace that child, and pray(ed) regularly that Arden knows that.

It took me a week or two to be completely at ease with the idea of being pregnant again so quickly.  Even though we were actively trying, I never expected to get pregnant right away.  I was still afraid that something was going to go wrong, and I had days where I cried for Arden, but I also knew (and still know) that everything happens with a reason and purpose.  It is weird to think about how Ephraim wouldn't be here if we hadn't lost Arden.  And sometimes Eric and I talk about what Arden would have been like had he been the one we brought home.


Things went well for the first 11 weeks.  I had morning sickness on and off, but nothing too horrible.  I had weird cramping, stretching if ligaments, and sore breasts.  A lot of the typical early pregnancy symptoms.  Then at 11 weeks I woke up for my usual middle of the night bathroom break (only during pregnancy) to find that I was bleeding.  I started crying and wondered if I should tell Eric or not.  After what seemed like forever, I went back to bed and was planning to wait until morning to tell him, but he heard me crying and asked what was wrong.  I told him, and I could feel the fear within him.  The same fear I had, and that we had gone through only a few months before. 

We agreed that since the bleeding wasn't bad enough to warrant an ED visit, to go back to sleep and call the OB the next day.  When I did call, I spoke with my all time favorite "doctor", Daisy.  (She is actually a nurse midwife who works for the OB's office, hence the quotes around doctor.)  She told me to come to the hospital as she was on call that day and to go straight to radiology where she would let them know to do an ultrasound.  After the ultrasound we were to go to the birthing unit to see her for an internal exam. 

We were so relieved to see a squirmy baby on the screen with a good heart rate.  And Daisy said she didn't see any blood or where it would have come from and gave us the all clear.  Thank the Lord!  I was so worried.  Yet, I still worried after too.  But, that's me, a worrier.  I can't seem to help but worry about every little thing.  Even things that most people would never worry about!






Part 2 to be posted as soon as I have time to write it!

The "Ephraim Series"

I finally started working on the series for the pregnancy and birth for Ephraim.  Sadly, it will probably be longer than Bretton's, since I remember it better (an 11 year difference does that to you).  So, it may take some time.  I am hoping part 1 will be posted by tomorrow.

In the meantime, watch this inspirational video.  One of my favorites! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBjR1-0GVkI

Tears

I've cried plenty of tears today for every person in Maine, I'm sure!  I keep thinking about the "what if's".  I keep asking Eric what are we going to do if at our next OB appointment there is no heartbeat?  What if something is "wrong" with our unborn baby?  What if...? What if...? What if...?  Of course, being the laid back guy that he is, he always tells me that everything is and will be OK, and that no matter what we will get through anything that may lay before us.  Well, I know that, but it doesn't change my fears.

Today though, I have just not felt "right" about things.  Maybe I am just being more paranoid than usual.  I think partly because of the lack of symptoms, partly because I know what a miscarriage is like and I don't ever want to lose another child-- during pregnancy or during their life. 

Someone on my birth board then posted a link to a heartbreaking, yet inspiring story that has had me in tears for near an hour.  So, instead of you reading more of my random boring life, go read this amazing story!  (But be prepared to cry!)

http://spiritmag.com/features/article/holding_onto_hope/