I had some mild cramping last night, but often times that happens in pregnancy so I didn't worry too much about it. I worried more about the fact that I couldn't sleep. Now, I am worried about the severe back pain I am having.
It feels very much like the beginning stages of back labor. This can potentially be a bad sign. I haven't started to bleed or anything, thank goodness, but I am on the lookout for it to happen. I am praying this isn't the beginning of a miscarriage. But, it reminds me of how my last miscarriage started.
I can barely move-- it hurts so bad. I'm not sure if I should call the doctor or wait it out.
I'm going to try to be optimistic and hope for the best. Maybe I am just having some weird pains that will go away soon.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Bretton: Part 2
The last few months of pregnancy seemed to go by slow, yet fast. I had so much to do and think about and not nearly the same amount of time as most people have! As time went on, my main focus was to make sure I graduated from HS.
February turned into March, then April, May, and before I knew it June. I graduated HS on June 13th, 1999. It was a super hot day and I was roasting. I will always remember and be thankful of a classmate who was sitting behind me. She had an ice pack and shared it with me. She put it on my neck a number of times. What a wonderful thing for her to do! All I could think about was getting into a cool building and for the braxton hicks to stop. Why in the world did graduation ceremonies need to be so long and drawn out. Don't they realize that most people aren't even listening, nor do they even care?!
The last 3 weeks before Bretton was born seemed to creep by slowly. During those weeks, some friends took me out to try and start labor. We went mudding, we went on bumpy back roads when driving, and a few other things that I can't quite recall right now. Nothing worked. Until June 30th. I was with Ronica (best friend from HS) and Rosie (Ronica's mom, like a mom to me) while they were house sitting for someone. Rosie had just gotten home from a long shift-- more than 24 hours-- and went to take a shower, warning me not to go into labor until she had a shower and some sleep. Alicia was also there (another friend from HS), spending the night with us.
Rosie gave me an exercise ball that she brought home from work and I started bouncing on it. I had heard that doing so would/could help with effacement and dilation. So, we figured it was worth a shot. Not even 10 minutes after being on the ball I felt like I had to pee. I remember jumping up and saying so out loud. Rosie was in the bathroom still, so I didn't know what to do! The urge was so sudden and I was afraid I was going to pee myself. Ronica grabbed me and pulled me into the kitchen-- the owners of the house had jokingly said not to get any after birth on their rugs!
Before I knew it, a big gush of hot liquid was running out of me. I made it into the bathroom and continued to lose this liquid while on the toilet. I thought I was peeing, yet how could it be so hot and how could i have so much of it?! It didn't take long to realize my water broke! This was at about 9:30 pm.
I got changed, grabbed my hospital bag, and called the hospital to let them know. Either Rosie or Ronica grabbed a towel for the front seat of Ronica's car, since I was soaked yet again. It seemed like an endless waterfall! I remember walking into the ED (as it was after hours, around 10 pm) like a penguin because I was so wet and felt so gross. I was sent right up to OB where they put me into one of their two labor rooms. I was given the smaller one as someone else had just given birth in the big one, but was told they could move me into it later so I could use the labor tub. I was never moved, which disappointed me.
My memory of the labor and birth is in bits and pieces. And to be honest, I think it is in bits and pieces for the people that weren't on drugs because sometimes no one really agrees on the little details. But in the end, it is what I remember that matters, and the fact that the next morning, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy.
February turned into March, then April, May, and before I knew it June. I graduated HS on June 13th, 1999. It was a super hot day and I was roasting. I will always remember and be thankful of a classmate who was sitting behind me. She had an ice pack and shared it with me. She put it on my neck a number of times. What a wonderful thing for her to do! All I could think about was getting into a cool building and for the braxton hicks to stop. Why in the world did graduation ceremonies need to be so long and drawn out. Don't they realize that most people aren't even listening, nor do they even care?!
The last 3 weeks before Bretton was born seemed to creep by slowly. During those weeks, some friends took me out to try and start labor. We went mudding, we went on bumpy back roads when driving, and a few other things that I can't quite recall right now. Nothing worked. Until June 30th. I was with Ronica (best friend from HS) and Rosie (Ronica's mom, like a mom to me) while they were house sitting for someone. Rosie had just gotten home from a long shift-- more than 24 hours-- and went to take a shower, warning me not to go into labor until she had a shower and some sleep. Alicia was also there (another friend from HS), spending the night with us.
Rosie gave me an exercise ball that she brought home from work and I started bouncing on it. I had heard that doing so would/could help with effacement and dilation. So, we figured it was worth a shot. Not even 10 minutes after being on the ball I felt like I had to pee. I remember jumping up and saying so out loud. Rosie was in the bathroom still, so I didn't know what to do! The urge was so sudden and I was afraid I was going to pee myself. Ronica grabbed me and pulled me into the kitchen-- the owners of the house had jokingly said not to get any after birth on their rugs!
Before I knew it, a big gush of hot liquid was running out of me. I made it into the bathroom and continued to lose this liquid while on the toilet. I thought I was peeing, yet how could it be so hot and how could i have so much of it?! It didn't take long to realize my water broke! This was at about 9:30 pm.
I got changed, grabbed my hospital bag, and called the hospital to let them know. Either Rosie or Ronica grabbed a towel for the front seat of Ronica's car, since I was soaked yet again. It seemed like an endless waterfall! I remember walking into the ED (as it was after hours, around 10 pm) like a penguin because I was so wet and felt so gross. I was sent right up to OB where they put me into one of their two labor rooms. I was given the smaller one as someone else had just given birth in the big one, but was told they could move me into it later so I could use the labor tub. I was never moved, which disappointed me.
My memory of the labor and birth is in bits and pieces. And to be honest, I think it is in bits and pieces for the people that weren't on drugs because sometimes no one really agrees on the little details. But in the end, it is what I remember that matters, and the fact that the next morning, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Hungry
I am so hungry-- starving even. For food, as I feel ill when I eat so I don't eat enough. For more joy in my life. Not that I don't have any, but more would be awesome! I love the good times, and really dislike the bad ones. For a better paying job. Not that my job doesn't pay a decent amount compared to others, but it is my opinion that it should pay more, for many reasons I don't want to get into now. I'd like, at least, to be a little above "making ends meet". For guidance in what to do next. I'm horrible in making decisions, and worry that without someone's guidance I will fail at making the decisions I need to make on my own. Just plain hungry for so much more.
Every day I try to think of ways that I can improve my life, my husband's life, and most importantly, the lives of my children. In the end you know what I come up with? Nothing. I mean, nothing more than I already have or do. I give my all to my family. I do my best to provide for them-- financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Sure there are times where things seem to be spiraling out of control, but who doesn't have moments like that? In the end, as long as my family is happy, healthy, and well cared for, what else matters?
My hunger for more will probably always be there. I hope it is, actually. It helps keep me sane and aiming for the best for my family.
Now to figure out the hunger for food-- I've got to nourish this growing baby! Maybe it is time to get creative and try things that I wouldn't normally. Hey, something has got to work, right!?
Every day I try to think of ways that I can improve my life, my husband's life, and most importantly, the lives of my children. In the end you know what I come up with? Nothing. I mean, nothing more than I already have or do. I give my all to my family. I do my best to provide for them-- financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Sure there are times where things seem to be spiraling out of control, but who doesn't have moments like that? In the end, as long as my family is happy, healthy, and well cared for, what else matters?
My hunger for more will probably always be there. I hope it is, actually. It helps keep me sane and aiming for the best for my family.
Now to figure out the hunger for food-- I've got to nourish this growing baby! Maybe it is time to get creative and try things that I wouldn't normally. Hey, something has got to work, right!?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Bretton: Part 1
I missed a good portion of my first semester of my Senior year of High School as I was severely ill 24/7. I went to the doctor a few times, but no one was able to tell me what was wrong. I couldn't stand the smell of hotdogs, I could barely keep food down, and I lost well over 40 pounds in less than 5 months. And despite these "symptoms", I still didn't know what was about to hit me...
On February 12, 1999 I was sitting in the main lobby of my High School, waiting for the bell to ring for the next period to begin. (As a Senior, I didn't have a full course load and often come to school only when I had classes or sat in the library reading while waiting for my classes to begin.) It was the last day of school before winter break, and I had only been back to school full time for a month or so. I loved school, but was ready for a the break and looking forward to actually being able to do things with my friends without feeling so ill. Then, out of no where a sharp shooting pain hit my right lower abdomen. I doubled over in pain. I tried to breathe through it, to walk it off, but nothing worked. It got so intense I ended up literally crawling 150 feet or so to the nurse's office. Through gritted teeth and loss of breath, I did my best to explain to them what was wrong. The nurse's secretary quickly got help and I was basically carried to her car and driven to the ED.
What seemed like forever passed, then an ED doctor came in. He looked over the results of some tests they had me do (urine and blood) and then felt around my abdomen, asking me questions regarding my pain. He stopped, looked at the chart again, then poked me some more. I could tell by the look on his face that something was going on. When he finally spoke he said he didn't believe I had appendicitis (which is what we were thinking at first). Great! What was the pain from then? He explained to me that my uterus was expanded, telling him that I was 20-22 weeks along in pregnancy. He asked if I knew that. Heck no! Wouldn't I have said something?! He went on to explain that my pain could be due to an ectopic pregnancy and he needed to get me into an ultrasound right away.
My head was reeling and I felt dazed and confused at what I was just told. Not once did I get a positive HPT, and I was having periods-- and for the first time in my life they were regular! How could I be carrying a child and not know it? I certainly didn't show, with the weight loss I had experienced my stomach was almost concave. I didn't feel movement, or did I and just not know what it was? So many things were going through my mind.
As I was taken to radiology for the ultrasound I tried to forget about everything and focus on relieving the pain I was still feeling. That lasted about 30 seconds. The ultrasound technician wouldn't stop talking about what she was going to be looking for, how exciting it was, and so on. Um, not really exciting lady-- I didn't plan on having a baby at 19! Actually, I never planned on having any children.
I remained fairly quiet during the ultrasound. I don't remember much of it other than the technician saying the baby was healthy, it was a boy, and that my due date was July 3rd, 1999. I watched and listened, yet wasn't fully aware of what was going on or being said. I was trying to wrap my head around the idea of a human being growing inside of me-- and all from a one time sexual encounter! I was blown away.
After what seemed like hours, and lots of paper work and visitors (some wanted, some not-- but that's another story), they finally released me. I went home (to the place I had been living since October of '98, with a wonderful older couple from my church). I was stunned still, yet gaining some perspective and even some feelings of contentment. I knew it was going to be long journey if I kept the baby, but there was no way I was giving him up! I myself was adopted. I know what foster care is like, and that not all adoptive parents are what they seem. I felt I was the only one who could give my baby the life he deserved and I was bound and determined to do what I needed to in order to give him a great life, loving home, and all the things he could want.
I'm going to leave it as this for now. I will write the next part within the next week.
On February 12, 1999 I was sitting in the main lobby of my High School, waiting for the bell to ring for the next period to begin. (As a Senior, I didn't have a full course load and often come to school only when I had classes or sat in the library reading while waiting for my classes to begin.) It was the last day of school before winter break, and I had only been back to school full time for a month or so. I loved school, but was ready for a the break and looking forward to actually being able to do things with my friends without feeling so ill. Then, out of no where a sharp shooting pain hit my right lower abdomen. I doubled over in pain. I tried to breathe through it, to walk it off, but nothing worked. It got so intense I ended up literally crawling 150 feet or so to the nurse's office. Through gritted teeth and loss of breath, I did my best to explain to them what was wrong. The nurse's secretary quickly got help and I was basically carried to her car and driven to the ED.
What seemed like forever passed, then an ED doctor came in. He looked over the results of some tests they had me do (urine and blood) and then felt around my abdomen, asking me questions regarding my pain. He stopped, looked at the chart again, then poked me some more. I could tell by the look on his face that something was going on. When he finally spoke he said he didn't believe I had appendicitis (which is what we were thinking at first). Great! What was the pain from then? He explained to me that my uterus was expanded, telling him that I was 20-22 weeks along in pregnancy. He asked if I knew that. Heck no! Wouldn't I have said something?! He went on to explain that my pain could be due to an ectopic pregnancy and he needed to get me into an ultrasound right away.
My head was reeling and I felt dazed and confused at what I was just told. Not once did I get a positive HPT, and I was having periods-- and for the first time in my life they were regular! How could I be carrying a child and not know it? I certainly didn't show, with the weight loss I had experienced my stomach was almost concave. I didn't feel movement, or did I and just not know what it was? So many things were going through my mind.
As I was taken to radiology for the ultrasound I tried to forget about everything and focus on relieving the pain I was still feeling. That lasted about 30 seconds. The ultrasound technician wouldn't stop talking about what she was going to be looking for, how exciting it was, and so on. Um, not really exciting lady-- I didn't plan on having a baby at 19! Actually, I never planned on having any children.
I remained fairly quiet during the ultrasound. I don't remember much of it other than the technician saying the baby was healthy, it was a boy, and that my due date was July 3rd, 1999. I watched and listened, yet wasn't fully aware of what was going on or being said. I was trying to wrap my head around the idea of a human being growing inside of me-- and all from a one time sexual encounter! I was blown away.
After what seemed like hours, and lots of paper work and visitors (some wanted, some not-- but that's another story), they finally released me. I went home (to the place I had been living since October of '98, with a wonderful older couple from my church). I was stunned still, yet gaining some perspective and even some feelings of contentment. I knew it was going to be long journey if I kept the baby, but there was no way I was giving him up! I myself was adopted. I know what foster care is like, and that not all adoptive parents are what they seem. I felt I was the only one who could give my baby the life he deserved and I was bound and determined to do what I needed to in order to give him a great life, loving home, and all the things he could want.
I'm going to leave it as this for now. I will write the next part within the next week.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Where has the time gone?
Really-- where has the time gone?! Today marks my youngest son's 1st year of life! It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with him, in labor with him, bringing him home from the hospital, and more. Time truly flies, and without warning. I know that there are so many minutes in an hour, so many in a day, so many days in a week, month, and year. But still, I never really think about how the days are passing by and all the life changes that happen, until "bigger" things come about, such as birthdays.
We had Ephraim's 1st birthday party yesterday. As Eric's family is in Tennessee, and my so-called family is not a part of my life (long story, not worth telling), we invited all the people who have been a part of Ephraim's life so far. Denise, Rosie, and Ronica (and her two young girls) came-- they are a part of the only true family I have. We also had some old friends (ones that have been my friends forever), new friends (mostly from our centering pregnancy group), and co-workers who are always there for us arrive and share in our baby boy's 1st birthday. I am so glad that we have such supportive and caring people in our lives!
As I reflect on the past year, I start reflecting on the past 12, or 13 really. My oldest boy is 12. Now that makes me feel old! I'm thinking I am going to write up my birth experience with each boy soon. What a trip down memory lane that will be!
We had Ephraim's 1st birthday party yesterday. As Eric's family is in Tennessee, and my so-called family is not a part of my life (long story, not worth telling), we invited all the people who have been a part of Ephraim's life so far. Denise, Rosie, and Ronica (and her two young girls) came-- they are a part of the only true family I have. We also had some old friends (ones that have been my friends forever), new friends (mostly from our centering pregnancy group), and co-workers who are always there for us arrive and share in our baby boy's 1st birthday. I am so glad that we have such supportive and caring people in our lives!
As I reflect on the past year, I start reflecting on the past 12, or 13 really. My oldest boy is 12. Now that makes me feel old! I'm thinking I am going to write up my birth experience with each boy soon. What a trip down memory lane that will be!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Symptoms and concerns
It is 6 am and I can't sleep. For whatever reason I haven't been able to sleep past 5:30 or 6 most mornings. It doesn't seem to matter how tired I am, I am up for the day by now. It is getting quite frustrating. I am beyond exhausted. Ephraim is doing better sleeping in his crib but he still comes into bed with us more often than not by the middle of the night. Once he is in bed with us, I have even more trouble sleeping, as we just don't have a lot of room. He sleeps with his legs spread so far apart I usually find one of his legs hanging over Eric and the other over me.
I also would love to have a nap during the day, but that just doesn't happen. Most of the time it is way too hot and sticky to even try to sleep. Props to women who have more little children running around while pregnant. Or, have a newborn and are pregnant! I certainly know I am lucky to have my husband home more often than not and to have a 12 year old son who adores his brother enough to watch him for me when I need 20 minutes to lay down.
As each day passes, I get a bit more concerned with the pregnancy. I pray every day that this baby is healthy and growing well, but my lack of symptoms makes me wonder if there is something wrong. I know some women have no symptoms and go on to have healthy babies, but I also know that many women who have no symptoms end up having a miscarriage. I don't think any of us can emotionally handle another miscarriage. Losing Arden one was of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
So, symptoms-- well, obviously I am exhausted. That and my constant headache/migraine are my two main symptoms. Once in a great while a small wave of nausea hits me if I haven't eaten for a few hours. My breasts have been a bit sore off and on. Otherwise, I don't feel pregnant. Part of me feels like I am lucky! I was beyond sick with Bretton, the first few weeks with Arden were tough, and Ephraim gave me plenty of physical pain to last a lifetime! An easy going pregnancy is just what I hoped for! But now that it is here all I can think about is how it doesn't seem right to not be sick.
I'm trying to enjoy each moment though. Whether this baby ends up in our arms or in Jesus' arms, I want to enjoy as much of the pregnancy as I can. I have my first appointment on Thursday and will bring my concerns up to the midwife then. I'm not sure if she will do an ultrasound this time or next time, but I am hoping it will be Thursday. Until then, I am going to do my best to not worry.
I've got to go get something to eat now. A small wave of nausea has hit. And I praise God for that!!
I also would love to have a nap during the day, but that just doesn't happen. Most of the time it is way too hot and sticky to even try to sleep. Props to women who have more little children running around while pregnant. Or, have a newborn and are pregnant! I certainly know I am lucky to have my husband home more often than not and to have a 12 year old son who adores his brother enough to watch him for me when I need 20 minutes to lay down.
As each day passes, I get a bit more concerned with the pregnancy. I pray every day that this baby is healthy and growing well, but my lack of symptoms makes me wonder if there is something wrong. I know some women have no symptoms and go on to have healthy babies, but I also know that many women who have no symptoms end up having a miscarriage. I don't think any of us can emotionally handle another miscarriage. Losing Arden one was of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
So, symptoms-- well, obviously I am exhausted. That and my constant headache/migraine are my two main symptoms. Once in a great while a small wave of nausea hits me if I haven't eaten for a few hours. My breasts have been a bit sore off and on. Otherwise, I don't feel pregnant. Part of me feels like I am lucky! I was beyond sick with Bretton, the first few weeks with Arden were tough, and Ephraim gave me plenty of physical pain to last a lifetime! An easy going pregnancy is just what I hoped for! But now that it is here all I can think about is how it doesn't seem right to not be sick.
I'm trying to enjoy each moment though. Whether this baby ends up in our arms or in Jesus' arms, I want to enjoy as much of the pregnancy as I can. I have my first appointment on Thursday and will bring my concerns up to the midwife then. I'm not sure if she will do an ultrasound this time or next time, but I am hoping it will be Thursday. Until then, I am going to do my best to not worry.
I've got to go get something to eat now. A small wave of nausea has hit. And I praise God for that!!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Been awhile...
Wow, it has been a long time since I wrote. I doubt I will be able to keep up this time either but I'm going to try. Maybe I will try committing to once a week to start.
Last night was one of the hardest, longest, sleepless nights in months. Ephraim was crying most of the night and I couldn't calm him down. Now that it is almost time for me to go to work, he has finally settled down a bit. I'm hoping he is able to manage through the morning while I am at work. I know Eric didn't sleep well either, so it could be a super long day for us all.
In other news, my blog title has changed! It was Mother of One and Expecting. But, since I found out I am pregnant again, I thought I should change it. I am pretty shocked still- not fully believing the test results. Especially because of my lack of symptoms. With my others (including our miscarriage) I was pretty sick, in pain, and all the text book stuff. But other than the occasional nausea, tiredness, and massive migraine (that has lasted for over a week now), I feel pretty good. Oh, and smells-- yuck! So, I guess I do have symptoms, just not nearly what I've had in the past.
As of now, my due date is March 7, 2012 but I haven't had an appointment yet, so it could change. A winter baby!! I can't wait, despite being scared to death to have two under 2! I love the 11 year difference with my boys. Not sure how much "love" I will have for a less-than-2 year difference!
Either way, we will make it through-- we always do. And I am already looking forward to bringing this little one home to join our family!
Last night was one of the hardest, longest, sleepless nights in months. Ephraim was crying most of the night and I couldn't calm him down. Now that it is almost time for me to go to work, he has finally settled down a bit. I'm hoping he is able to manage through the morning while I am at work. I know Eric didn't sleep well either, so it could be a super long day for us all.
In other news, my blog title has changed! It was Mother of One and Expecting. But, since I found out I am pregnant again, I thought I should change it. I am pretty shocked still- not fully believing the test results. Especially because of my lack of symptoms. With my others (including our miscarriage) I was pretty sick, in pain, and all the text book stuff. But other than the occasional nausea, tiredness, and massive migraine (that has lasted for over a week now), I feel pretty good. Oh, and smells-- yuck! So, I guess I do have symptoms, just not nearly what I've had in the past.
As of now, my due date is March 7, 2012 but I haven't had an appointment yet, so it could change. A winter baby!! I can't wait, despite being scared to death to have two under 2! I love the 11 year difference with my boys. Not sure how much "love" I will have for a less-than-2 year difference!
Either way, we will make it through-- we always do. And I am already looking forward to bringing this little one home to join our family!
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