Often times I think about writing another blog post and yet when I actually get a chance, I either forget, don't feel like typing, or best excuse-- I go to bed instead! But, can you blame me? I'm exhausted all the time. Not even sure why. I mean, yeah, I have a 14 month old that I chase around most of the day, housework to do, a 2 year old in the evenings and weekends-- who is constantly sick and whose Autism can sometimes give me a run for my money--, a 13 year old who mentally exhausts me, but thankfully is super helpful and a good kid, and a husband who works evenings leaving me with all 3 kids at once. Is that really an excuse to be so tired and needing to go to bed so early most of the time?
Still I am exhausted and no amount of sleep could probably make me feel 100% again. At this rate, all I ask for is one thing-- for my little ones to sleep through the entire night without coming into bed, waking up with nightmares or needing comfort, every single night. I mean, I love them and don't mind doing the "mom" thing most of the time, but when you spend half your night tending them and not sleeping, it can be pretty draining.
Besides being tired, I am also finding myself. After 33 years one would think they know themselves-- their wants, needs, desires, fears-- and yet I feel I know nothing about myself. I always say that what I have gone through in my life has made me who I am today-- but who is that?! I mean, I know I'm a mom and wife. But who *is* April? If you take away being a mother and wife, who is left-- what is left? I'm actually working on figuring that out, and so far, so good. I'm not super pleased with who I am discovering, but I am not horrified either! Haha. I know I can be someone better and I am working on that. My first step-- to bring myself closer to God. My relationship with Him isn't what I want or need. I truly desire to have a more intimate relationship with my Savior and so that is my first step in discovering myself. Really, who knows me better than He does?
There are other steps I am taking but that is number one, so I will leave it at that. Aside from discovering myself, life has been full of craziness. Ephraim has missed a lot of school due to sickness-- mostly ear infections. He has finally been referred for tubes and his surgery is on June 3rd. Lorelai will be having tubes as well-- we just have to wait until her pediatrician is back (June 3rd, coincidentally) for her referral. (We know she will get one because the last time we saw the pediatrician she said one more ear infection for both kids would lead to tubes and while she was on vacation we took L to the ER and sure enough, she has another ear infection!)
Bretton did track and field this spring and I am so pleased! To be honest, ever since he was a little boy I have thought "If he does track and field just once in his life, it will be a dream come true!" So, my dream was fulfilled! I hope he sticks with it next year, but if not, I truly enjoyed seeing him participate this year. He even made it to the Championship meet-- something you have to qualify for. He participated in the 4x100, discus, javelin (not the typical kind for safety reasons), and shot put. He qualified for shot put and discus. I did all the throwing events as well, so it was nice to reminisce and to be able to give him pointers.
Anyway, I am off for now. I need to make breakfast, get Bretton up so he can mow some lawns, and hopefully get some cleaning/organizing done today.
No wonder you're tired! All that is exhausting, and I can totally relate! I guess you and I are about the same age, and I understand about you trying to identify yourself. It is very easy to get lost in all that you do for others and forget or not have time to make to work on yourself. I am feeling that right now too, but I have a good handle on my callings in life (or at least, I think I do, so far! lol). However, I also am almost farther away from God than I have ever been, so that tends to blur the signals too. I do know that everything I have done so far has a purpose for where my life is headed, and many that I didn't see coming (like having a teaching degree so I would know more about my son and how to help him!). "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 One of my favorite scriptures! I don't know you yet, but I am very proud of you for sharing these things and for wanting to make things better. I feel ya!
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