It is 6 am and I can't sleep. For whatever reason I haven't been able to sleep past 5:30 or 6 most mornings. It doesn't seem to matter how tired I am, I am up for the day by now. It is getting quite frustrating. I am beyond exhausted. Ephraim is doing better sleeping in his crib but he still comes into bed with us more often than not by the middle of the night. Once he is in bed with us, I have even more trouble sleeping, as we just don't have a lot of room. He sleeps with his legs spread so far apart I usually find one of his legs hanging over Eric and the other over me.
I also would love to have a nap during the day, but that just doesn't happen. Most of the time it is way too hot and sticky to even try to sleep. Props to women who have more little children running around while pregnant. Or, have a newborn and are pregnant! I certainly know I am lucky to have my husband home more often than not and to have a 12 year old son who adores his brother enough to watch him for me when I need 20 minutes to lay down.
As each day passes, I get a bit more concerned with the pregnancy. I pray every day that this baby is healthy and growing well, but my lack of symptoms makes me wonder if there is something wrong. I know some women have no symptoms and go on to have healthy babies, but I also know that many women who have no symptoms end up having a miscarriage. I don't think any of us can emotionally handle another miscarriage. Losing Arden one was of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
So, symptoms-- well, obviously I am exhausted. That and my constant headache/migraine are my two main symptoms. Once in a great while a small wave of nausea hits me if I haven't eaten for a few hours. My breasts have been a bit sore off and on. Otherwise, I don't feel pregnant. Part of me feels like I am lucky! I was beyond sick with Bretton, the first few weeks with Arden were tough, and Ephraim gave me plenty of physical pain to last a lifetime! An easy going pregnancy is just what I hoped for! But now that it is here all I can think about is how it doesn't seem right to not be sick.
I'm trying to enjoy each moment though. Whether this baby ends up in our arms or in Jesus' arms, I want to enjoy as much of the pregnancy as I can. I have my first appointment on Thursday and will bring my concerns up to the midwife then. I'm not sure if she will do an ultrasound this time or next time, but I am hoping it will be Thursday. Until then, I am going to do my best to not worry.
I've got to go get something to eat now. A small wave of nausea has hit. And I praise God for that!!