Sunday, January 17, 2010

Just an update

Well, it's been awhile since I last posted, though not a whole lot has happened.  Other than work, home life and a trip to Radiology for an emergency ultrasound last Monday.  Basically, that was a scare and a half that we certainly did not need- not that anyone needs a scare. 

So, what happened?  Well, I woke up in the night to use the bathroom to find some spotting and cramping.  I didn't worry too much as it wasn't too bad and I figured it could have been from a number of  things.  But, when I got up an hour or so later the spotting was a bit more and pretty red with cramping so bad, including lower back pain similar to back labor.  I started freaking out at this point.  This is basically how our miscarriage began 4 months ago and that's all that I could think of.  I tried hard to just breathe and relax but it was no use, a sudden wave of worry and grief hit me hard and I was crying hard.  I went back to my room, waking Eric up with my crying and told him what was going on. 

For the rest of the night I couldn't sleep.  I think I slept maybe 2 hours total, more drifting in and out than anything.  I finally decided that I needed to call the OB on call. I knew that no matter what was happening, there wasn't much that they could or couldn't do other than an ultrasound to see how the baby was doing but that was more than I had at the time.

As I waited for the OB to call back I debated on whether I should go to work or not.  I decided to go in and do as much of the day as possible until I could get in to see the doctor, if they would even let me.  By the time the doctor called and said I needed to go as soon as possible, it was past 7am, pretty late to be calling into work but I had no choice.  I made the call and then again waited for another call from the OB for specific instructions on when and where to meet her.

At 11am, we went to radiology for an ultrasound.  As I lay there I wasn't sure what to think about more, the results of what the ultrasound would show or the fact that they required me to have a full bladder and by now I really had to empty it!  I just kept pushing the urge to pee aside as I watched the screen for the next hour.  The news was great- baby has a strong heartbeat of 170 bpm, measured a day ahead and was moving around like crazy.  But, I still worried, and still am.  We were told 4 months ago that things looked ok and then a week later we lost the baby.  How am I to know for sure that won't happen again?  I suppose the only way to know is through time.  So, I pray continually for the health and safety of not only my husband, my son and myself, but for this unborn child.  I continually ask God for peace, wisdom, understanding and strength.  And most importantly, I pray that my faith in God doesn't waiver because of things that have happened or things that may happen.

As of now, things seem to be going ok, and that's all I can ask for.  Our next appointment is January 28th, and I can't wait.  I just want to hear the heartbeat again, to know that everything is going well and that we are past the first trimester.  I am excited to meet my new child, to see my husband with his first born, and to have my son have a sibling.  Here's to hoping and praying for a healthy 6 more months!

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