Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Well, the title may say memories, but that doesn't mean I am going to share any specific ones!  (Though I might.)  It's just that I was filled with many memories today.  Memories of when my son was born.  Memories of being a single parent, raising a a child of the opposite gender and really having no idea what to do when certain situations arose.  But, looking back, and imagining what the future holds, I don't think I have done too shabby.  My son is well cared for and loved very much.  Watching him grow up has truly been a blessing.  He has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. 

Of course, the memories came flooding to me because, well, I am so overly emotional right now it isn't funny!  So, when he came up to me at school today (I work in the same building that he attends) and told me about how he broke the zipper on his hoodie and how I he forgot his DS at home and had this look in his eye that said "Mom, even though I am 10 and don't always want you around I do still need you!" I was reminded of how good it feels to be needed and yet, how scary and frightening that feeling can be. 

Now, being reminded of the frightening aspect of it all, I wonder how I will be with a new child.  Yes, I have done it once, but that was 10 years ago!  I feel as though I've forgotten everything, and worry I may not have any idea this time.  Yes, I have someone to help now; an amazing guy who is already an amazing husband and step-father so I know he will be just as great as a" first time dad" but still, that doesn't change my fears and worries. 

While I remember all the great things about raising my son and all the wonderful memories I have, there are plenty of memories of hard times, struggle, emotional pain, physical pain between my own body and my son's every time he got hurt.  The guilt and worry of all the stuff that "went wrong".  How do I correct those things this time, but still raise my children fairly and equally?  And really, how does someone raise a set of siblings that have are over a decade in age difference?
I suppose only time will tell...

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